Balance

We are all searching for this "perfect" balance. This balance between family, community, and self, and within each category there are subcatagories. It's a neverending battle. It's next to impossible, and people work on this their entire lives, only a few ever actually achieve it.

Family. Being a new mom, of course, you prioritize your life, placing your newborn at the top of the list. This seems like the right thing to do, almost instinctual, but you pay the price for this (see self). Marriage falls in this category as well. I come from the school of thought that marriage shouldn't be work. Maybe I'm naive, as I've only been married for 2 1/2 years, or maybe my definition of work differs, but I think a relationsship may be many things: compromise, listening, communication, nurture, but work? Regardless, though, this is an important aspact of family - if not the most important one.

Community. When I was in my twenties, I was all about community. Friends, colleagues, even somewhat strangers... After moving around, and now having a small child, community for me now is pretty much non-existent. I'm currently working on this. There are several options to try and expand this category. There is church. Personally, I have never been much of a fan of organized religion. It may date back to being dragged kicking and screaming to church every Sunday, but I also understand that this is a great way to meet people and to be a part of a group. I have been to several Mommy and Me groups (see previous posts). I haven't really met anyone that I have clicked with in this respect, but I keep going -- you never know. Another is work...

Recently I have been looking at my career. What do I want to do. I know that juggling career and being a full-time mom is impossible, but there has to be a way around this. Do I want to continue working in the hospitality industry? Is it just too late for me to change careers at this point in my life? I have been tossing around ideas of starting my own business and finding something that would incorporate family. What would I be passionate about? (This is an ongoing internal debate, that I will no doubt address in future posts) - Work is a great way no meet people, but it also stems back to self...

Self. I don't recognize myself in the mirror. Is this me? Under the dark circles and the smear of mascara that has somehow stained my eyes. This is my struggle at the moment. My "self" has slipped. The balance is off. I don't find myself really getting a lot of time to dedicate to this. (Other than the occassional bubble bath - which seems to be extremely rejuventating, though). Most importantly though, you have to have a strong sense of self and self esteem for you, as well as your family -- and there is the cycle... Family, community, self. Balance.