Monday, May 4, 2009

Working mom vs. Stay at home mom


There has been this century-long debate of which was "better" a stay at home mom or a working mom. Either one definitely has it's perks and downfalls. The stay at home mom gets to be there every day to see her child grow and learn, but there's plenty of drawbacks to that. I mean EVERY day?! Trust me, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. Then there is the working mom. She has her own career, no loss of identity, but what about seeing your child grow? And being the one to raise your child, rather than a day care?

I've always been a working girl. I went to college only for a couple years to find out I really was better at learning in the work world than in a classroom. I started off as a front desk agent at the Westin Galleria in Houston, and quickly worked my way up the ranks and was a Guest Services Manager in Galveston when Brian and I met. I had about 20 or so people that reported to me. People from all walks of life. I had the 60 year old door man that had worked at the hotel for years, and was pretty much a staple, an 18 year old valet parker, the student, and, of course, the moms. Secretly, I hated hiring moms. Don't get me wrong, I did, and especially if they were qualified, but it was always inevitable that I would be dealing with the same thing. Scheduling. Every Thursday I did the schedule for the following week, and it was a challenge. I had the school schedules to work around, trying to make everyone happy with giving them the preferred shifts, and then there were the moms... There were soccer and dance recitals, PTA meetings and conferences, and after I spent an hour getting the schedule perfect, posted - Little Sally would get sick. This child was sick so often that there was a point that I recommended we have the child placed in some sort of bubble.

When Brian and I got married and I realized that we would be moving around every few years, I needed a job that was more flexible, and allowed me to move with him without having to find a new job every time we moved. So, I started working as an independent contractor for a meetings management company. It was similar to having your own business, so it took a lot of work, but allowed me to work from home. The pay wasn't steady, but it was decent. So, when I got pregnant, I figured I could just keep working from home. The best of both worlds, right? Boy, I was so delusional.

I always thought being a stay at home mom was a cinch. I mean, really, how hard could it be? I managed 20 people, that acted like children most of the time anyway, one infant? I could do that with my hands tied behind my back. Right? WRONG! I tried for months to try and establish a schedule. A schedule that would include naps, bathing, work, and meals. I gave up last month. There is no way in hell this is possible. Maybe it is my child, or maybe it is me, but trying to set up and stick to a daily schedule was hopeless. I consider a successful day one that includes a shower and avoiding being spit up on since.

So back to the original dilemma. Home or work? We've established working from home to be impossible, unless you have child care, which would be nice, but my work at home job doesn't have a steady enough pay to do that. Work out of the house? It would have to be a decent paying job to justify child care expenses, which would be the hotel business - all I've ever done. The hours? And 2 parents in the same 24-hour business? Not good for Mason. So back to staying at home. (And hopefully squeezing in some meeting management jobs in where I can).

So, writing this blog entry has taken 3 1/2 hours - a simple 15 minute task, yet with all the interruptions of the day, a complicated one. I want to be a super mom, but there is honestly not enough time in the day to do it all (and my son isn't much of a napper). So here I am writing a blog about decisions. About what is best for me, as well as my son. There are days that are so hard, I cry, and wonder if there is anyway I can do this, and do it well, and then there are his smiles and giggles, his grunts as he poops, his messiness - even when he gets upset, and my ability to soothe him... and - it sounds sappy - but it's worth it.

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